An Homage to and an Explanation of our Roux

I am watching her walk away through the chain-link fence at her school.  She's got her new back pack on.  This is the third day of first grade.  I call out, "Do you want me to walk you to where you line up?" She answers, "No, I'm fine" (like pfft... whatever, Mom).  I blow her a kiss.  She catches it and eats it, "so it goes into her heart and fills it."  There she goes.  All grow'd up.  I'm happy and astonished.
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At about 6 months along, I read an article somewhere about how there was a recent uptick in the occurence of dwarfism.  I was sure that Ella would be afflicted with a life of being eye level with the coffee table.  I pondered the cruel irony of this seeings as I measure in at 6 feet tall. 

At about 8 months along, I thought I made her deaf by listening to rap music too loud in the car.  I called the doctor to inquire. 

And, finally, near the end, my concern was that she may be albino.  I thought of how she may be affected socially, the overwhelming expense of sunscreen and whether or not the irises of her eyes would be red.

As it turns out, she is ectomorphic, she can hear (I know this because I hear myself talking through her sometimes. She is listening.) and while she is a fair-skinned beauty, she is made of many colors.  Brown, peach, red, orange, yellow, black and pink.

Wiggly tooth.

Ella is so many things.  She is bright and stubborn and incredibly proud and fickle and quick-witted and loyal and persistent and did I say stubborn and sweet and vulnerable and "difficult" and shy and smart and physical and creative and brave when she has to be and here's the big one...  She has a heart that literally has no end. 

This heart is a marvel.  She is so loyally in love with us and any animal that may cross the path of her mind.  She cries over beauty and love as well as pain, sorrow and anger.  This heart gives her a passion for life that is so raw.

Ella and I may end up having a complex relationship.  She is very independent and is 6 going on, not 16, but 26.  She wants a laptop, she wants to go to a Justin Bieber concert "with just her friends."  She wants an iPhone with ring tones and skinny jeans and knee boots.  I thought we would be dealing with all this pretty basic stuff at maybe 9 or 10 years old.

She wants to grow up really fast.  She's over it.  She's on to the next thing.  I want her to stay 6, not forever, just until this December when she turns 7.  I have a feeling we may always have a push and pull between us.  Me metaphorically saying.. "Ella, wait a minute" and her saying... "I'm fine, I want it this way, let's go."  It may get dicey but I know that if I am able to always keep a place in her heart, that she, we and I will be okay. More than that, that she will have a shot at fulfilling her potential and finding her way.  I will then be able to sit back, elbow Matt and say... "Would you look at her? She's awesome."  Actually, we already say that.  Nonetheless, I am securely buckled up because it's gonna be wild.

I love her so much.